You're A Bridesmaid - So Start Acting Like One!

You're trying to do what?! You're going to say no to being a bridesmaid? 

It's okay! We only kid. Being in a wedding can be expensive and time consuming. You always have the option of saying no. That's why they phrase it as a question - "will you be my bridesmaid?" They are asking you first, so you have the option to either accept or decline. 

But how do you say no? They are asking you to be in the wedding party for a reason. You're a big part of their life, so how do you say 'no thanks' to such a gracious gesture? 

We have a few suggestions to help you do it. 

Declining The Bridesmaid Invitation 

You first need to really think this through. Is this the right decision and why is this the best choice? If you decide to say no, are you willing to face the consequences? We realize that sounds scary, but it's the truth. If you decline, your friend may no longer want to be your friend. They can really be offended by you not accepting, so you have to be prepared to explain why you won't be joining the bridal party. 

Go with your gut. If you don't feel like you are the right person or that you won't be able to be the best bridesmaid, than be honest - with the bride-to-be and with yourself. There's no reason to make yourself feel miserable. 

Here are a few common reasons why people decline being a bridesmaid: 

• Distance - you might feel like you're too far away to be a part of the bridal party and aren't even sure if you can make it to the wedding,
   
• Money - being a bridesmaid is pricey, even if the bride tries to help you cut costs in certain areas. Being a bridesmaid usually includes bridal shower, bachelorette, wedding (dress, hair, makeup), and gift costs. Those can all add up. 
  
  
• Relationship - some will feel like they aren't that close with the bride-to-be, so they don't feel comfortable being a part of it. Maybe it's a distant relative or someone that considers you closer than you feel like you actually are. 
  
  
• Timing - a big part of why you might not be able to be a bridesmaid. You may already be in other weddings that year and don't have the time, or maybe you have an event that conflicts with the wedding date. 

So how do you say no?

• Talk with the bride-to-be in person. A text message or phone call is easy, but it's not personal. If distance is an issue, than try video chatting with them. This is something that she be open for discussion. You need to thoroughly explain your reasoning face to face. 
  
  
• Give a full explaination of why you are say no and don't be hesitant. Whether it's distance, money, your relationship, or timing, make it fully clear why you have to say no. 
  
  
• Be sincere and somewhat apologetic. You should try to stand your ground but also be receptive to what you friend is saying. She probably won't expect you to say no, so don't be surprised if she is upset or discouraged. 
  
  
• Provide an alternative. See if you can help in another way. 
  
  

• Tie it all together by focusing on her special day. Remind her how excited you are for her to get married and are still there for her no matter what. 

The sting will hurt and might take some time, so be careful what you say and make sure to think this through. A good friend will be understanding, so just be truthful. 

 photo credit: chrisinplymouth via photopin cc